


Smoke & Mirrors

by Grinder1833



Series: Missing Moments [23]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-08
Updated: 2011-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-20 05:45:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grinder1833/pseuds/Grinder1833
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke and Noah recover from the after effects of the kidnapping at Luke's parents' house.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smoke & Mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They are the property of "As the World Turns" and P&G.  
> A/N: This is the finally missing moment from the kidnapping story arc. A special THANK YOU to Altsunthinkable for betaing this part!

Sleep was proving to be a lost cause so Luke hauled himself out of bed. It didn’t matter that it was only 5:30am because he was anxious to start his day…the day when he’d be bringing Noah home from the hospital. Hopefully, Noah had slept well and hadn’t been haunted by nightmares and awful memories like Luke had been… and possibly always would be.

After he quickly showered and dressed in jeans and his light blue and gray baseball shirt, Luke stripped the sheets off his bed, replacing them was a fresh set. Noah would be staying here, in his room with him, while he recovered from his gunshot wound. When Luke had proposed the idea, his parents hadn’t given him a hard time. They really were very understanding about the situation. It had helped that they were just so happy to have him and Noah safe that they’d probably agree to almost anything at this point.

Once Luke had his room tidied up, he headed downstairs. The house was still dark and quiet. His mother and siblings wouldn’t be awake for another hour or so and his dad was most likely already over at the farm tending to the horses. Luke was tempted to go over there and take Willow out for an early morning ride, which always did wonders for his demeanor. But that also would mean encountering his father and he really didn’t feel up to dealing with either of his parents at the moment. He knew they could both sense that there was something bothering him so being alone with either of them would lead to endless questions. He couldn’t deal with that.

Not now…maybe not ever.

Instead, Luke decided to go to his second safe haven…Snyder Pond. There he’d be able to clear his thoughts before he left for the hospital. Noah didn’t need to see that he was still a mess. He needed to focus on his own recovery, not worry about holding Luke’s hand because he had a few nightmares and was also having a hard time dealing with being kissed by a girl.

 _You know it was more than a kiss,_ an inner voice said. _It was attempted…_

“No!” Luke insisted as he marched along the path that led from his parents’ house to the pond. “No…it was nothing…nothing…” he mumbled until he came upon the clearing.

The silvery water was a most welcomed sight. The pond held so many happy memories for him. That hot August night when he first swam with Noah in it…seeing his crush half naked, splashing and playing and finally ending up in his grandma’s kitchen pressed up against each other. Damn. Luke had known that night there was more to Noah Mayer than met the eye. Noah had wanted him…he felt it.

A wry smile crept to his lips as he remembered how sexually charged his grandmother’s kitchen had been only to be quickly extinguished by the appearance of Maddie. Poor Maddie she had no idea...

Shaking off the memory, Luke strolled toward the old swing. He liked to think of it as his and Noah’s swing. They spent a lot of time on it. Luke remembered the first time they came here. It was New Years Day 2008…Noah guiding him out here because he was using the cane, sitting on the old swing, talking and cuddling. And of course Luke would never forget the blow job Noah gave him while he sat here last Halloween. There were also times in between… mostly they’d talk about their dreams…their future together. They’d always planned on sneaking out here one summer night to go skinny dipping and make love, but they hadn’t gotten around to it yet.

God…it felt like it had been months since they had made love, but really it had only been a couple of weeks. The last time had been in Noah’s dorm room when they had taken advantage of Scott’s night class. The moment the door had clicked shut behind Noah’s roommate they were tugging and unzipping clothing. Mouths and hands roamed freely and finally Noah was inside of him. Luke loved it when Noah was inside of him.

It’d definitely been too long.

But now the thought of being intimate with Noah again upset him. Not because he didn’t want Noah, because he did. Nothing would ever change that fact. What had changed was how Luke felt about himself. He was damaged now…dirty…weak.

Luke was becoming convinced that Zoe would always be there no matter how many times he scrubbed his skin raw in the shower or brushed his teeth and gargled with mouthwash. She was still there, still lingering…still haunting him. He hated her. And he hated himself for still giving her so much power over him.

God…he was so pathetic.

What would his family think if they knew the truth…especially Damian?

Luke shuddered at the thought as he pulled one leg up onto the swing. He wrapped his arms around it, resting his chin on his knee, staring across the pond. Damian would be mortified. He’d realize that Luke wasn’t the kind of man he wanted as his son after all. Surely, Damian would wish he’d succeeded in sending him to that straight camp when he was seventeen.

Luke's parents would probably pity him…poor, defenseless, Luke. Too bad he wasn’t man enough to protect himself. Because really what kind of man almost gets…well a real man wouldn’t let something like _that_ happen. Not a chance in hell.

Great…now he was beginning to sound like Noah’s father.

Noah.

What must he really think? Sure…he was supportive in the hospital. _How could he not be since I fell apart in his arms?_ Another pathetic move.

The tranquility of Snyder Pond was failing to clear his head. His mind just continued to race like it was in the Indy 500. There was nothing he could do it stop it…just like when Zoe…

What if she had succeed? Would any of his family secretly hope that Zoe managed to convince him that he was straight after all? That sex with a woman was so much more fulfilling than sex with Noah? That he’d really been confused this entire time and all he needed was a woman to show him how to be a real man?

No…no…it never would have happened…even if Noah hadn’t gotten Zoe away from him. Zoe had no chance of ever being able to get him aroused. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

But when she kissed his crotch his cock had…

Luke squeezed his eyes shut. He would not cry. This was crazy. He was overreacting.

Enough. Of. This.

Springing up from the swing, Luke trekked back to his parents’ house. He needed to start focusing on Noah, who also had been through hell. He was actually hurt… had almost died! Luke was certain that Noah wasn’t sitting around feeling sorry for himself. Glancing at his watch, Luke decided that he would head to Java and pick up a mochachino for his boyfriend.

Great…now he had a plan to focus on. Already Luke was feeling better.

****

********

“Hey, Jeff,” Luke said, strolling into Java. “How are you doing?”

“I’ll be doing a lot better when Noah gets back,” he replied. “How is he doing?”

Luke leaned against the counter. “He’s good. Actually, I’m on my way to the hospital. He’s being released today. I wanted to surprise him with a mochachino.”

“Because nothing says ‘I love you’ like a mochachino?” Jeff chuckled.

“Yes…especially when he hasn’t had a decent cup of coffee in over a week,” Luke said, pulling out his wallet. “I’ll take one too. And can I also get a cheese Danish?”

“Sure,” Jeff said, getting out two paper cups. “Anything else?”

“No…I gotta save room for the feast my grandma is preparing in Noah’s honor.” Luke grinned, remembering how insistent his grandma was about making all of Noah’s favorite dishes to celebrate his return. He knew Noah never had anyone fuss like this about him when he was a child. Hopefully, he was up to dealing with a family meal so soon after being released from the hospital.

“Lucky guy. Noah always goes on and on about how amazing your grandmother’s apple pie is.”

“He’ll probably get one to himself,” Luke chuckled. “My grandmother adores him.”

“Here you go…extra special for you guys,” Jeff said, setting the two coffees on the counter. Then he went over to the pastry case, grabbing a cheese Danish which he put into a small bag.

“I’ll be sure to tell Noah.”

“And tell him that I said hi and that I wish him a speedy recovery.”

“Will do. Thanks so much,” Luke said, handing Jeff a twenty. “Keep the change.”

“Thanks! It was good to see you again, Luke,” Jeff replied. “And it’s not just because you’re such a good tipper.”

Luke said goodbye to Jeff and then headed out to his car. He put the coffee in the cup holders and then grabbed the Danish out of the bag, which he scarfed down during the short drive to the hospital. After he parked the car, he did a quick check in the vanity mirror on the visor. Luke prayed that Noah wouldn’t notice the dark circles under his eyes or that the hickey hadn’t faded yet.

_Please let Noah see me as the man I was before the kidnapping…not the mess that I am now._

Taking a deep breath, Luke grabbed the coffee and headed into the hospital. He couldn’t wait to get Noah out of there. Hopefully, once his physical therapy was done neither would return for a very long time.

“Knock knock,” Luke said, stepping into Noah’s room. “I come bearing a gift for you.”

Noah grinned. “Is that a Java cup in your hand?” he asked, perking up.

“Yes…it is.” Luke strolled toward the bed, handing him one of the cups. “One mochachino made extra special by Jeff.”

“Just as long as Zac didn’t touch it,” Noah chuckled.

Luke frowned. “Zac?”

“Yeah…Zac drugged my mochachino; that’s how they managed to abduct me.”

“Shit,” Luke muttered. “How could I be so stupid? I should have gotten you something else. Here…let me get rid…” He reached for Noah’s coffee.

Noah gripped the cup tightly. “You’ll do no such thing. I’ve been craving one of these since those assholes took me. I’m not going to let what Zac did ruin my favorite coffee for me.”

Luke wished he could say the same about what Zoe had done…

Quickly he shook away the thought. “Jeff says hi by the way.”

“At least he knows now that I missed my shifts for a good reason.” Noah took a sip of the mochachino. “Oh…god…this…is…soooo….good,” he murmured, closing his eyes and savoring the coffee.

“It’s the beginning of many special treats for you today,” Luke said, glad to see how happy Noah was with the coffee.

“Oh?” Noah said seductively, reaching for Luke’s hand. “I can think of a few treats that I’d like to see on the menu.”

Luke knew what Noah was alluding to, but couldn’t bring himself to flirt back. Instead he replied, “I hope one of my grandma’s home cooked meals is on your list. She’s making a special lunch for you, but if you’re not up for it she’ll understand.”

Noah squeezed Luke’s hand. “I’d never turn down one of Emma’s meals. But she didn’t have to go through so much trouble…”

“She insisted,” Luke assured him. “How many times do I have to tell you that you’re family?”

Noah ducked his head. “I’m still not used to people fussing over me.”

“Well…get used to it. You deserve all of the fuss, love, and attention.” Luke kissed Noah’s hand, hoping to emphasize the point. He let go just long enough to pull up a chair next to the bed.

“So…did you sleep well?” Noah asked, playing with Luke’s fingers.

Glancing away from Noah, Luke shrugged. “Yeah…sure,” he said, afraid to meet Noah’s eyes because his boyfriend would immediately know that Luke was lying. Time and again Noah had told Luke that his eyes never lied.

“Luke…” Noah’s voice was soft, but firm.

Sighing, Luke turned to face him. “Okay…not really, but it’s not that big of deal.”

“Nightmares?”

Luke nodded, staring down at their entwined hands.

“Me too,” Noah quickly admitted.

That got Luke’s attention. “Oh, baby…I knew I shouldn’t have left you.”

“I guess it wasn’t one of my better ideas,” Noah sighed.

“Well…tonight we’ll be together,” Luke said, gazing into Noah’s eyes. “In fact, we may never have to sleep apart again.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, pretty soon we’ll be moving into the apartment.”

“It’s going to be so amazing.”

Dr. Reed strolled into Noah’s room with a nurse in tow. “Good morning! I just want to take one last look at you before I discharge you. If everything checks out fine then you can get dressed.”

“Shit,” Luke muttered. “I didn’t even think of bringing you fresh clothes.”

“Hey…don’t worry about it,” Noah replied. “We need to stop by my dorm room anyway to pick up some of my clothes and things before we head to your grandma’s.”

“I can run over there right now,” Luke said as he started to get up from the chair.

Noah put a vice grip on Luke’s wrist. “You’re not going anywhere. I don’t plan on letting you out of my sight for a very long time.”

Dr. Reed stepped closer to the bed. “He will need to step back for a few moments while I examine you,” she said.

Luke did as requested, standing near the door and watching as Dr. Reed asked Noah questions while she checked his vitals. He was happy to see the nurse remove the IV from Noah’s arm. Noah was finally going to be coming home with him.

“Okay,” Dr. Reed announced. “You can get dressed now. While you are doing that, Elizabeth will go get your discharge papers and then you’ll be free to go.”

Luke spotted a large white plastic bang, the kind which hospitals put their patients’ personal belongings in, on the credenza by the bathroom. He grabbed it and looked inside. The sight of Noah’s blood stained shirts brought back the horrible memories of Noah bleeding and clinging to life in his arms all too clearly. Dammit…why did he have to leave his brain at home? He should have remembered that Noah would need something clean to wear.

“I can get you a scrub top to wear home,” Elizabeth offered as she slipped out of the room. “I’ll be right back.”

“Hey…” Noah came up behind him, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

Luke just nodded as he continued to stare at the royal blue and gray fabric that was marred by Noah’s blood…so much blood. He could still clearly hear Zoe’s voice taunting him, implying that he didn’t love Noah because he wouldn’t submit to her twisted plan.

Noah reached around Luke, snatching his jeans out of the bag. “I’ll be out in a second,” he whispered, leaving Luke standing there lost in thought.

While Noah was in the bathroom, the nurse returned with some forms, the promised scrub top, and a wheelchair. As she knocked on the bathroom door and handed the shirt in to Noah, Luke glanced at the chair and cringed. He knew it was just hospital policy but there were way too many bad memories associated with the wheelchair. He’d been so terrified once that he’d be trapped in one of those forever.

But he wasn’t. Thanks in large part to Noah’s love and support (although Noah couldn’t say the word back then). Luke couldn’t help grinning at the thought. Now Noah told him that he loved him all the time. Saying those three words had become second nature to them both.

“It looks like my ride is here,” Noah said, strolling out of the bathroom.

“If you just give me your autograph, I can wheel you to your limo,” Elizabeth said.

“You know, his signature is going to be worth something someday when he becomes a famous director,” Luke proudly announced.

“You are so biased, Snyder,” Noah chuckled as he sat down in the wheelchair.

“I didn’t realize that we had a filmmaker in our midst. I guess I should have figured it out, because every time I came in here it seemed like he was watching an old black and white movie,” Elizabeth said, handing him a clipboard. “Here you go. Just sign by the all of the x’s.”

Noah did as instructed and handed back the clipboard. “Onward, Jeeves!”

“I’ll go bring the car around,” Luke said. “Sorry, it’s not my grandmother’s limo…or even my Mustang. The Vibe will have to do.” His Mustang was still stored in the garage for the winter. He didn’t plan on bringing it out until May when he was certain there would be no more snow.

“Luke, you could take me home on horseback and I’d be thrilled.”

****

********

“I have never been so happy to be back here,” Noah said as he unlocked his dorm room door. “Well…other than the times we came back here to fuck.”

“You haven’t even been out of the hospital an hour and already you have sex on the brain,” Luke said, following Noah inside the room.

Noah carefully pulled the green scrub top off over his head. “Who would have thought getting shot would make me so horny?”

“How can you joke about it?” Luke asked, his eyes focused on the large white bandage that covered Noah’s gunshot wound.

“It’s either that or go crazy and I prefer to keep my sanity.” Noah strolled over to the closet and getting out his maroon polo shirt and tugging it over his head.

Luke sunk down onto Noah’s bed. “I suppose that’s a good plan.”

Noah opened his top dresser drawer, retrieving a clean pair of underwear and socks. Then he pulled out a pair of jeans from the bottom drawer. “It’s the only one I have right now,” Noah said, unbuckling his belt.

“I’m so sorry I got you into this mess,” Luke said, glancing over at Noah who was taking off his jeans. God how he loved Noah’s long legs. Normally he’d be fantasizing about how good they would look wrapped around his waist. But all Luke felt now was unease.

Noah stepped out of his underwear. “It’s not your fault that you have crazy distant relatives.” He leaned over and picked up his dirty clothes off the floor, placing them in the plastic hamper he kept in his closet.

Luke stared at the wall on Scott’s side of the room while Noah put on clean underwear and jeans, wishing that Scott had old movie posters on his side like Noah did so he’d have something to focus on. “None of this would have happened if I hadn’t accepted Damian’s money.”

Noah began to pack his duffle bag. “You’ve done so much good with that money. The Luke Snyder Foundation has helped a lot of people and will continue to do so,” he reminded Luke. “And because of all of the shit that went down you know that Damian really does want to have a relationship with you.”

“None of that was worth you getting shot.”

“Well…I would have preferred if that didn’t happen as well as Zoe trying…”

Luke knew where Noah was going with his thought. There was no way in hell that Luke was going to let him finish that sentence. He sprang up from the bed. “Can I help you pack anything? Do you have your deodorant and razor?”

“I think I have everything,” he said, zipping up his duffle bag. “And what I don’t I can either buy or borrow.”

“What’s mine is yours.”

Noah tore out a piece of paper from one of the notebooks on his desk and scribbled a short note on it. He took it over and placed it on Scott’s desk. “I just wanted to let him know that I was okay and would be staying at your parents’ house for awhile.” Then he returned to his desk and packed a few books and notebooks into his messenger bag.

“Here…let me take your stuff,” Luke said, reaching for the bag.

“I’m not helpless.”

“No, you’re not, but you’re also supposed to be taking it easy.”

“Fine…take it,” Noah sighed.

“The duffle bag too.”

Noah shook his head as he handed it over to Luke. “This really isn’t necessary.”

“You better get used to taking it easy,” Luke said as he opened the door. “The only exertion you’ll be doing is during physical therapy.”

“Hmmmm… _physical therapy_ …I like the sound of that,” Noah flirted.

Luke stood in the hallway while Noah made sure that the door had locked behind them. “Noah, this is serious,” he maintained.

“I am serious.” Noah slipped his good arm around Luke’s waist. “And you’ll be right there to help me with _all_ of my exercises.”

“What am I going to do with you?” Luke sighed as they strolled down the hallway.

“Well…you can start by kissing me,” Noah suggested.

Luke stopped and planted a quick kiss on Noah’s lips. “Come on…the family is waiting,” he quickly said, tugging Noah toward the exit before he could protest.

Thankfully, Noah followed him with no further comment. No questions asked. Unfortunately Luke knew he was probably living on borrowed time.

****

********

“Oh my dear sweet boys!” Emma exclaimed, throwing an arm around each boy and pulling them into a group hug when they stepped into the kitchen. “I can’t believe that someone out there would want to hurt either of you.”

“You can thank Damian for that,” Holden grumbled.

Luke shot his father a pointed look. “Dad…please.”

“I’m sorry, but that man has brought you nothing but pain,” Holden said, folding his arms across his chest. “Thanks to him you were kidnapped again, but at least I was there to protect you the first time. This time…”

Mortified was the perfect word to describe how Luke was feeling. He just wanted the floor to open and swallow him right into the basement. Why did his father have to bring up his childhood abduction to Malta? Probably because his dad assumed that he had already told Noah all of the gory details, which he hadn’t. Luke had only mentioned the kidnapping in passing last summer…the day Noah had been given his father’s dog tags after his death. Noah never brought up the subject again and neither had Luke.

Lily placed a hand on her husband’s shoulder. “Holden, we’re all here to celebrate the fact that the boys are home safe and sound…not drudge up ancient history,” she gently reminded him.

Noah glanced at Luke, looking a tad bit confused. Maybe Noah didn’t remember when he mentioned the kidnapping since he wasn’t in the best state of mind that day. But now that his memory was jogged, Noah would probably have a million questions for him. However, he didn’t say anything…yet. Instead he kept his arm firmly wrapped around Luke’s waist. And for that Luke loved him even more if that were possible.

“Is Grandmother coming?” Luke asked, hoping to keep the conversation steered well clear of said ancient history.

“She’s on her way,” Lily assured him.

“Jack and Janet are working today and the kids are in school,” Holden added.

“This is perfect,” Luke said, taking in the sights and smells of his grandmother’s kitchen. He loved it here so much. “I think it’s best we start out with a small gathering. Noah is going to need his rest.”

“Luke, I’m fine,” Noah replied. “He’s been doting on me all day,” he told the family.

Luke stepped away from Noah and pulled out a chair from the kitchen table. “Here…sit down and relax.”

“You better do as he says,” Emma added, placing a large bowl on the island. “It’s not every day where you can visit without being put to work.”

“I’d gladly muck out the stalls,” Noah said with a smile.

“You’ll do no such thing, my angel. Now sit and relax,” she instructed.

Noah did as he was told, knowing better than to argue with Emma Snyder. Holden promptly put a can of root beer in front of him and then handed one to Luke.

“Grandma, can I help you with anything?” Luke asked.

“You just sit down and keep your boyfriend company,” Emma instructed. “Lily, can you please put the salad on the table? Holden, can you set the table?”

“Everything smells great,” Noah said. “What are we having?”

“My famous secret recipe chicken wings, seven layer salad, German potato salad, homemade coleslaw, fresh corn biscuits, and apple pie with vanilla bean ice cream for dessert,” she replied as she got out serving spoons and placed them in the various bowls filled with food.

Noah grinned. “Sounds perfect. How did you know what my favorites were?”

Emma winked at him. “Oh…a little birdie might have whispered a suggestion or two.”

“But I wasn’t the only one kidnapped,” Noah protested.

“You were shot,” Emma replied.

“Yeah…but Luke…”

Luke quickly shot Noah a warning look. He better not _dare_ elaborate what had happened to him. Thankfully, before anyone could question them, Lucinda arrived.

“Sorry I’m late,” she said, breezing through the door. “My meeting ran late. Where are my darling boys?” Luke and Noah sprang up from their chairs, greeting Lucinda with hugs and kisses. “Let me get a good look at you two,” she said, stepping back. She cupped Luke’s face in her hands. “Luke, did those monsters hurt you?”

Luke winced slightly at hearing the word ‘monster’ which he’d unfortunately be associating with Zac’s obsession for Noah for a very long time. “I’m fine.”

She brushed her thumb over the fading bruise on his cheek. “And what’s this?”

“A lucky punch,” Luke forced a laugh. Hopefully, she wouldn’t question any other marks on his body.

Lucinda moved from Luke over to Noah, placing her hands on either side of his face. “And you…we were frantic when you went missing. You are an important part of this family,” she told him. “And when I heard you were shot…oh, Noah darling…I’m so happy we didn’t lose you.”

Noah swallowed, blinking back a few tears. “Thank you, Ms. Walsh.”

“Don’t you ‘Ms. Walsh’ me,” she instructed. “It’s Lucinda to you, darling. Don’t make me remind you again.” Then Lucinda directed her attention toward the buzzing kitchen. “Everything smells and looks lovely, Emma.”

“Thank you,” she replied. “Can you please put the biscuits on the table for me, Lucinda?”

Luke always got a kick out of how his grandma had no qualms about putting Lucinda Walsh to work. A lot of people in Oakdale were intimated by Lucinda but Emma Snyder wasn’t one of them.

“Are you sure you don’t need any more help?” Noah asked.

“Nope,” Emma assured him. “Lily, Holden, grab a dish and we’ll be all set.”

Luke’s stomach was growling as he scanned the food on the table. His grandma had promised them a welcome home feast and this was perfect. He couldn’t wait to dig in. But just as he was about to grab the chicken wings, his grandma cleared her throat.

“I’d like to say grace before we eat,” Emma announced. “I think everyone here will agree that we have a lot to be thankful for so if everyone would please join hands. Dear lord, thank you for the safe return of Luke and Noah and the opportunity to once again sit around a table together with our family whole and complete. Please keep Luke and Noah safe and well and help them to make a full recovery for this terrible ordeal. Amen.”

Before releasing Noah’s hand, Luke gave it a quick kiss and then dug into the chicken wings. In a matter of minutes his plate was full of food. The kitchen was filled with joyous chatter. Luke was relieved that there wasn’t any further talk about the kidnapping.

“How are the apartment plans coming along?” Holden asked.

“They kinda got a bit sidetracked,” Noah replied, taking a sip of his root beer.

“But we’re definitely still moving in together,” Luke quickly added as he reached for Noah’s hand. “Nothing is going to stop us.”

“We just need to finally go shopping for supplies,” Noah said, reassuringly squeezing Luke’s hand.

“What do you need?” Lily asked.

Luke chuckled. “I think the easier question is what _don’t_ we need.” Between Noah and himself they really didn’t have much of anything. Luke wasn’t even sure if his parents were going to let him take his bedroom set.

“We definitely have DVDs.” Noah grinned. “And probably comic books.”

“One can’t live on DVDs and comic books alone,” Lucinda huffed. “You need furniture…you need linens…cookware…”

“I was hoping that I’d be able to take my bedroom set,” Luke said, flashing his parents his best puppy dog eyes.

Lily glanced at Holden who nodded subtly. “Yes…you can take your bedroom set,” she replied.

“You’re going to need more than a bedroom set,” Lucinda declared. “You can’t spend all of your time in bed.”

Luke felt his cheeks grow incredibly hot. Next to him Noah was caught mid-sip of his root beer and began to cough uncontrollably. At the head of the table Emma’s hand had flown to her mouth. Luke was surprised she hadn’t fallen out of her chair. Next to her Holden had buried his face in his hands.

“Mother!” Lily exclaimed.

“Oh please!” Lucinda drawled. “They’re grown men… _really_. Darlings, you are welcome to have the furniture from my pool house. It’s older but in pretty good condition. I had planned to redo it once the renovations on my house were finished, but I got a bit sidetracked with my annulment.”

Wow…her offer definitely made up for her faux pas. “Grandmother, are you sure? That’s an awful lot to give us,” Luke said.

“Ms. -” Noah quickly caught himself. “Lucinda…that is very generous of you.”

She waved her hand. “You’re both doing me a favor. Hopefully it won’t be too musty or smell like chlorine. I haven’t been in there in awhile so I’m not quite sure what the condition of the furniture is.”

“I’m sure I have some towels in storage,” Lily said. “You are more than welcome to have them.”

Emma folded her hands on the table. “I can help you to get your kitchen started with the staples,” she said, smiling warmly. “I might be able to make a meal or two for your freezer.”

Luke glanced at Noah, who was absolutely dumbfounded. The outpouring of love and support from his family warmed Luke’s heart, but he wasn’t surprised by all of the offers that had come their way. That’s what his family did.

But Noah wasn’t used to it. Luke could see how he’d be a bit overwhelmed. Maybe Noah wouldn’t want his family’s help. There was a chance that he might think he and Luke needed to do this whole apartment thing on their own. Luke decided he would follow Noah’s lead on this one.

Finally Noah spoke, “I…I…don’t know how to thank you…it’s so much…”

Lily stood up, walked over to Noah and hugged him. “Just take care of each other and be happy,” she said quietly.

“We can do that,” Noah sniffed. “Right, Luke?”

“Right,” Luke replied, silently praying that the happiness would reappear soon.

****

********

Emma had shooed them out of the kitchen, banishing them to the outdoors as she insisted that fresh air would do them some good. Luke had to admit, his grandma had a point. They’d been locked up in that dark storage room for days. Luke was sure the dank, stale smell would be forever entrenched in his senses. To him that smell represented fear and hopelessness…something he definitely needed to purge.

Noah had barely seen the sunshine since being rescued. He needed this time outside badly as well. Luke planned on taking him down to the pond after a quick stop in the barn to visit Willow, whom he couldn’t wait to take out for a ride again.

As they stepped inside the barn, his senses were assaulted with the aroma of hay, leather, and horses. Heaven as far as Luke was concerned. The barn was most definitely home.

“I wish I could ride,” Noah sighed as they approached Willow’s stall.

“Me too,” Luke replied, stopping to get a few carrots to feed to his mare. “It’s been so long.”

“I think I might have forgotten.”

“You haven’t. It’s just like riding a bike.”

“A very tall bike,” Noah chuckled.

“Hey, girl,” he said, turning his attention toward Willow. Opening his hand, he raised his palm so his horse could eat her treats. “I’ve missed you,” he cooed, stroking her nose. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

Noah came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Luke’s mid-section. “You know…you could always go without me,” he suggested.

Luke tensed, immediately cursing himself for it, but that didn’t stop him from wiggling out of Noah’s embrace. “No way,” he said, fighting to keep the emotion out of his voice. “I think Willow needs some more carrots.”

What was wrong with him? On one hand he didn’t want to be separated from Noah, but on the other he was having a hard time dealing with getting too close to him. Fuck. This was so fucked up.

“Luke, are you alright?” Noah tentatively asked.

“Are you?” he quickly countered, hoping to take the focus off himself.

Noah chewed his lip. “Luke…”

“I’m fine, Noah,” Luke insisted. “We’re here together…safe and sound.”

Noah slowly nodded as if he were reluctant to let Luke off the hook with the answer he gave. “Okay…ummm, earlier…Luke…your father was referring to when Damian kidnapped you as a child, wasn’t he?”

Luke wandered over to a bale of hay and plopped down on it, burying his head in his hands. Why…why…why did his dad have to open his mouth? Now he was going to have to tell Noah all about it…something he definitely wasn’t looking forward to. Noah was going to have so many questions…first and foremost he was going to want to know why Luke hadn’t confided in him about all of Damian’s past misdeeds when Damian first returned to Oakdale.

Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Luke forced himself to look at Noah, who was nervously shifting his weight. “Yes…he was,” Luke quietly admitted. “I mentioned it to you last summer.”

Noah slowly nodded. “Yes, you did, but I’d forgotten all about it. How could I forget something like that?”

“Noah, you were dealing with a lot back then,” Luke reminded him. “You had just found out that your father was officially declared dead…not to mention the other stuff…”

“But, Luke, I should have remembered when Damian showed up and you were so hell bent against giving him another chance.” Noah was immediately by his side, sitting next to him. Tentatively he placed his hand on Luke’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you remind me that he kidnapped you?” he asked, hurt seeping into his voice.

Luke stared straight ahead because he was afraid that if he looked at Noah he’d start to cry. He’d shed way too many tears over the past week. It was time to stay strong…to be a man. Since they had been rescued Luke hadn’t felt too manly and he hated that feeling…feeling like an insecure, emotional wreck. His emotions were way out of control.

“I didn’t tell you because it’s part of my life that I’d rather not remember. It ranks right up there with being in the chair. But at least when I was in the chair, I still had you and my family surrounding me,” Luke explained, his voice almost a whisper.

“How old were you when he took you?”

“I was nine.”

“I can’t imagine…”

Luke pursed his lips and nodded. “Yeah…being abducted by my bio dad when I was a child was pretty messed up. Well…initially it was Damian, but then it was his brother, Dante. It’s a long story.”

Very lightly, Noah rubbed Luke’s back. “I’m here and I’m listening…that is if you want to tell me about it.”

Luke glanced at him, carefully studying Noah’s face. The love and concern which filled Noah’s eyes was a bit overwhelming. God…he should have told Noah a long time ago…way before Damian ever stepped foot back in Oakdale. “I...I’ll tell you,” he decided.

“If it’s too painful, you don’t have to.”

Luke placed his hand on Noah’s thigh, taking strength and comfort from the heat which radiated from it. “It was a major event in my life. You should know about it.”

“If it gets too rough…”

Luke nodded. “I will…I will,” he murmured, squeezing Noah’s thigh. “Right before my ninth birthday, Damian showed up in town, wanting to teach me about my Grimaldi heritage. He wanted to take me back to Malta with him, but my mother wasn’t too keen on the idea. Damian claimed that my life was in danger because his enemies had made threats against him and his family,” he explained slowly, glancing at Noah from time to time to gauge his reaction which seemed neutral. Noah just sat there, silently supporting him and still caressing his back as Luke continued to speak, “Well…when my parents still refused to let me go with Damian, he took matters into his own hands. He decided that he would fake our deaths so we could be safe. But my dad came after me…this part is a bit blurry for me…there was an explosion and then somehow my dad and I ended up locked up in this tower. My mom was told we’d been killed in the explosion, but she said she never believed it. She could feel Dad and I were still alive _somewhere_ …”

“And that place was Malta?”

“Yeah…we were held hostage all summer, but it wasn’t Damian who had taken us to Malta. Dante had. I guess he outsmarted Damian after the explosion and took my dad and me because he wanted the family fortune to himself.”

“I can’t imagine what you must have gone through,” Noah quietly admitted.

Luke nodded a little. “My dad…he was amazing though,” he explained, grinning slightly as he glanced at Noah. “He was determined to make me feel safe so he turned our ordeal into some big elaborate game. Of course I figured things out, but I didn’t tell him because he was trying so hard to protect me. I remember…at night…he’d just hold me. I could hear rats in the room with us, which scared me…but my dad would put me on this lap and promise not to let them touch me. He must have had so many sleepless nights just to take care of me.” Luke’s eyes misted at all of the memories of the lengths Holden had gone through to keep him safe. “Biology means nothing to him…he just loves me…”

Noah pulled Luke against his chest as tears trickled down Luke’s cheeks. Dammit…he was crying again.

“We both know that biology doesn’t make a father,” Noah said, resting his cheek against Luke’s hair. “Look at my father…we’re blood and he’s caused me nothing but pain and heartache…”

“Yeah…and Damian…well…he was never really a father to me,” Luke murmured. “Maybe that will change now.”

“I think it will,” Noah reassured him. “So how were you rescued?”

Luke sat up straight, turning to face Noah. “Long story short…my mother and Damian found us. Damian tried again to convince me to go away with him and leave my parents behind but I refused.”

“And then you didn’t see Damian until…?”

“He showed up in Oakdale right after I came out.” Luke stared down at his hands which where folded in his lap. “I probably should have told you all of this before…especially when Damian showed up.”

Noah tilted Luke’s chin so Luke’s eyes met his. “I understand,” Noah told him. “And there are painful things from my childhood that I should share with you.”

“You will when you’re ready.”

Noah nodded. “Do you think you can take me home?”

Did he ever like the sound of that… _home_. Luke’s parents’ house…more specifically…Luke’s bedroom was going to be Noah’s home while he recovered. How sweet was that? Luke grinned. “I’d love to, baby.”

****

********

Sacked out on his parents’ family room sofa with his siblings and Noah, watching _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_ wasn’t exactly how Luke had envisioned spending his evening. But the kids hadn’t left their sides since getting home from their respective schools. They were thrilled when they learned that Noah was going to be staying with them. Noah was the one who had suggested watching the movie, choosing the classic over the newer _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ due to his aversion to remakes, even though it wasn’t technically a remake of the original.

Ethan had snuggled himself onto Luke’s lap. He’d been understandably clingy since Luke’s return. His parents had told the little guy that Luke and Noah had taken a little trip in order to shield him from the terrible truth. And Noah’s boo-boo had been explained as a big scrape he’d gotten while they were hiking. So far Ethan believed every explanation given to him and had stopped asking questions. Although, personally Luke tended to think the movie had something to do with it.

Natalie had wedged herself in on the other side of Noah. Once Luke and Noah had been rescued, his sisters had been told the truth and then had been warned they couldn’t talk about the kidnapping in front of Ethan. So far, so good. However, Natalie had become Noah’s shadow, vowing to protect him. Noah thought it was sweet and Luke did to a point. But he planned on drawing the line at her sleeping with them.

Faith had been uncharacteristically quiet. She was old enough to know the gravity of the situation they had been subjected to. His sister had pulled him aside earlier and had asked if Noah could have died. Luke had answered truthfully, which resulted in the tightest hug he’d ever received from his sister.

His love for his siblings was unending. And as annoying as each could be, he never wanted to imagine his life without any of them. They were three distinct personalities who each held a special place in his heart. Noah also loved Luke’s brother and sisters. His affection toward them wasn’t just for show. It was the real deal…Noah genuinely loved the Snyder kids.

During the movie, Luke’s mind wandered…imagining that this was sometime in the future. They were married, watching a movie with their children. That was the future he wanted with Noah someday…a family of their own. Marriage and children wasn’t something they’ve talked about. Luke knew they were too young. For starters, Noah needed to graduate from college before either of these things could happen. And Luke had to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. He had the foundation, but he also wanted more.

But what?

College if he could somehow get reinstated? Writing? A job? Travel?

The kidnapping had turned his life upside down. Besides Noah, Luke wasn’t sure what he wanted out of life anymore. Well…he didn’t need to figure it all out at that very moment. Instead, he’d just enjoy being with his boyfriend. He had to fight the urge to rest his head against Noah’s shoulder since he was sitting on the side with the gunshot wound. Suddenly, he wished the movie were over and Noah and he were up in his room…alone.

“Is this almost over?” Lily asked, sauntering into the family room. “It’s Ethan’s bedtime.”

“Nooo…watch movie with Wuke and Nowah,” Ethan murmured sleepily into Luke’s chest.

“Buddy, Noah and I are going to go to bed when this is over and so will you, okay?” Luke told his little brother. Ethan nodded and Luke kissed the top of his head. “That’s my boy.”

Noah glanced over his shoulder at Lily. “The movie should be over in about ten minutes.”

“Okay…I’ll be back to get the little cowboy.”

“So are you and Luke having a pajama party?” Natalie suddenly asked.

“Uh… you could say that,” Luke carefully replied, ignoring the snort that came from Faith.

“You’re not going to make Noah sleep on the floor, are you? He has a hurt arm, you know,” Natalie declared.

“Don’t be lame,” Faith replied. “Of course he isn’t sleeping on the floor.”

“Well…when I stay over at Jenny’s house I sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag,” Natalie said, leaning over Noah so she could see Faith who was sitting in a chair on the other side of the couch. “Are you going to sleep in the bed with Luke, Noah?” she asked, peering up at him.

“Uhhh…yeah…” Noah nervously replied.

“Is that because you’re boyfriends?” Natalie pressed.

“Yes,” Luke said firmly, hoping that would suffice and stop any further questions.

But it didn’t. “Do all boyfriends sleep together?”

“Hey, Nat,” Noah said, nudging her. “You don’t want to miss this part…it’s really neat.”

Natalie shrugged and turned her attention back to the movie.

Luke said a silent prayer of thanks that his parents hadn’t been there to witness that conversation. He was quite certain that they didn’t want the kids to learn the facts of gay sex.

“I have to change your dressing before we go to bed,” Luke said to Noah as the credits began to roll.

“Ewww,” Faith shuddered. “Isn’t it going to be all bloody and gross?”

“Faith, you’ll learn one day that when you love someone there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for them,” Luke replied.

His sister rolled her eyes. “Just because you finally have a boyfriend you think you’re some expert on love.”

“Well…it’s one more boyfriend than you have,” Luke declared.

“Very funny,” Faith muttered.

“I have five boyfriends,” Natalie declared.

“Really?” Noah asked, clearly trying not to laugh.

“Yup…Tim, Brandon, Steve, Jacob, and _Noah_ ,” she sang.

“Noah is my boyfriend,” Luke informed her. “And it’s time for everyone to go to bed.” He looked over his shoulder and called, “Mom! The movie is over. Can you come get Ethan and Natalie?”

Lily appeared a few minutes later, scooping Ethan off Luke’s lap (after Luke got a hug and kiss from him). “Say goodnight to Noah.” She held Ethan so he could easily hug and kiss Noah.

“Nigh...nigh, Nowah.”

“Come on, Natalie,” Lily said, heading toward the door which led into the living room. “It’s your bedtime too. Say goodnight to everyone.”

“Do I havta?” Natalie groaned, flopping back against the sofa.

“Yes…scoot.”

“Goodnight, Noah,” Natalie heaved an exaggerated sigh as she leaned over and gave Noah a quick hug. Then she hopped off the couch and gave Luke one too. “See you in the morning. Have fun with your pajama party!” she called, dashing out of the room.

“What’s that all about?” Lily asked, throwing a questioning look over her shoulder.

Luke plastered his most angelic expression on his face and replied, “I don’t know…you never can tell with Natalie and her overactive imagination.”

Lily didn’t press the subject. “See you in the morning. Don’t stay up all night. You two still need to rest. And, Faith, you better be in bed in an hour.”

“Yes, Mom,” Faith grumbled.

Noah placed his hand on Luke’s thigh. “We probably should head upstairs,” he quietly suggested. “It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah…you’re right.”

Noah stood up, stretching. Luke always loved to watch him extend his long limbs. And the fact that Noah’s shirts tended to ride up when he did this was an added bonus. How could his boyfriend be so incredibly clueless to how gorgeous he really is? In little moments like this Luke always found himself just staring at Noah so completely and utterly in love.

“Goodnight, Faith,” Noah said, strolling over to her and hugging her. “Sleep tight.”

“You too. Don’t stay up too long having pillow fights,” she smirked.

Oh…what was he going to do with his sister? Sighing, Luke heaved himself up off the sofa and strolled over to his sister. “I’m sorry I teased you about the boyfriend thing,” Luke said quietly. “You are a beautiful young lady and pretty soon you’re going to have a lot of guys after you.”

“We’ll see,” she replied.

“I can guarantee you’ll have more dates than I did in high school,” Luke told her.

“I would hope so! Luke you didn’t have any dates…and you can’t count Jade because that was all fake.”

“Hey.” Luke gently slugged Faith’s shoulder. “I had two dates that I can think of off the top of my head.”

“Really?” Noah perked up.

“Not with guys,” Luke assured him.

“Of course not,” Noah replied.

Luke frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean? I wasn’t a total loser in high school.”

Faith stood up. “I think I’m going to go to bed,” she decided. “I don’t want to get in the middle of a lover’s quarrel.”

“It’s not a lover’s quarrel,” Luke informed her. “And you aren’t going anywhere until I get my hug goodnight.”

Faith stopped and embraced him tightly. “I missed you while you were gone, Luke. I just knew there was something wrong. I wish this family would stop treating me like a child.”

“I missed you too,” Luke murmured. “Try to cut Mom and Dad some slack. It’s hard for them to admit that their little girl is growing up.”

“I’ll try…see you in the morning,” Faith said, sauntering out of the room.

“Ugh,” Luke let out a frustrated groan. He snatched the remote control off the coffee table and turned off the TV. “My siblings make me crazy.”

Noah draped his arm around Luke’s shoulders as he steered him out of the room. “You know, it was very flattering that you were arguing with a ten year old over me,” he chuckled.

“It’s crazy that I have to keep reminding Nat that you’re _my_ boyfriend.”

“Jealous?”

“I know who you belong to,” Luke smugly replied as they ascended the staircase. “And by the way…nice movie selection. The kids seemed to have enjoyed it.”

“You can’t go wrong with the classics.”

Luke shook his head. “I’m lucky that you haven’t traded me in on someone older since you seem to love all things old.”

“Never,” Noah assured him, pushing open the door to Luke’s bedroom. “I love my beautiful, young stud.”

Well…Luke definitely didn’t feel like any of those things at the moment. The bruise on his face hadn’t faded away yet. His eyes burned from lack of sleep. He felt anything but sexy.

“Take a seat on the bed and I’ll change your dressing,” Luke said, heading straight into the bathroom to get the supplies he’d need. When he strolled out of the bathroom, Noah was sitting as instructed with his shirt off.

“Are you sure that you want to do this?” Noah asked, gazing up at Luke.

“Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I do, it’s just that it’s not going to be a pretty sight.”

Luke sat next to him, placing the gauze, tape, cotton balls, peroxide, and antibiotic ointment on the mattress. “I can handle a little blood and guts,” he replied. “I’m not a total pussy.” _Even though that’s how I’ve been feeling for the past few days,_ he silently added.

“I wasn’t insinuating that you were a pussy,” Noah insisted.

“I know,” Luke sighed. “I’m sorry. Look… I watched Ali do this so you’re in good hands…trust me. Hopefully it won’t hurt too much.” He peeled the tape away from Noah’s skin, trying to do it as quickly as possible to avoid prolonging the pain. Then he carefully removed the gauze that had been covering the gunshot wound. “Okay…I just need to clean it up a bit and then I can rebandage it.” Noah winced a bit as Luke swiped the cotton ball soaked in peroxide across the stitched up wound. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay…it just stings a little,” Noah reassured him.

“I’m almost done.” Luke squeezed some ointment onto the raised red tissue, dabbing it evenly across it. He folded the new piece of gauze into a large square, placing it over the injured area. “Can you hold this in place while I tape it down?”

“Sure.”

Luke quickly secured it in place, sealing it with a quick kiss. “Done,” he said, sitting back to admire his handy work. “It’s not as good as when Ali did it, but it’s not too shabby.”

“You might have missed your calling as a nurse,” Noah teased. “You have an incredible bedside manner.”

“I love taking care of you, baby.” Luke gathered up his supplies so he could put them back in the bathroom.

“Do you mind if I take a bath?” Noah asked.

“Not at all.” Luke headed into the bathroom.

Noah stood in the doorway with his sleep clothes in hand, leaning against the door jamb and watching as Luke put the medical supplies into the medicine cabinet. “I just haven’t really felt clean since we were rescued.”

He was preaching to the choir. Luke knew all about feeling impossibly dirty. But Luke didn’t tell Noah this. “A bath will do a world of good then,” Luke replied, getting out a fresh towel and washcloth for him. “Take your time. I’ll be waiting for you in the bedroom.”

“Too bad the tub isn’t big enough for two.”

Luke smiled uneasily. “Yeah…too bad.” He quickly slipped out of the bathroom leaving Noah alone.

Changing into sweats and a t-shirt while Noah was bathing would probably be a good idea. Subjecting a sexed up Noah to a striptease when Luke wasn’t ready to deliver the goods wouldn’t be fair. Luke fetched his clothes out of the dresser, quickly changing into his olive green sweats and gray Chicago Blackhawks t-shirt. He tossed his dirty clothes into the nearby hamper. Better…but he still felt a bit restless. He sat down on the bed and opened the nightstand drawer. Inside among the condoms that they no longer needed and lube, Luke spotted his leather bound journal and a pen.

The last time Luke had written in his journal was shortly after Damian arrived back in Oakdale. There had been so many emotions to deal with Luke felt that writing would help sort them out. And it had…a little.

Maybe it would help him now…

Luke took out his journal and pen. Resting against the headboard, he thumbed through the worn journal searching for a blank page. He passed entries dealing with his guilt over his mother’s accident, thoughts of Kevin, loneliness, musings about Noah, a really long entry about their first time and the days that followed in Noah’s dorm room... Almost every highly emotional event in his life was captured on these pages. And now he was going to add another.

There was something very cathartic about writing long hand. It was more organic and personal. When Luke was struggling to come out he had written a blog on his laptop. But after he caught his father looking at it he decided to try keeping a journal the old fashioned way instead. Luke dated the new page and took a deep breath. This was going to be a hard one.

 

_Noah and I are safe. That much I can say for sure. Zoe and Zac have been arrested and hopefully they’ll be convicted of their crimes. I want them both to suffer in prison for a very long time. Each for different reasons other than the kidnapping…_

_Zac…that mother fucker… He killed the police officer that was watching over my parents’ house. He also came on to Noah…in front of me and behind my back. I found out that he even tried to seduce Noah in my bedroom. And he shot Noah. I thank god every day that Zac didn’t aim to kill but Noah almost died nonetheless._

_Then there’s that twisted, bitch Zoe…_

_She wanted to…_

_God this is so hard to write…_

 

But before Luke could continue, his pen and journal were snatched out of his hands and tossed aside. Luke glanced up to find Noah…damp hair, low slung navy sweatpants, and no shirt. Grinning, Noah climbed onto the bed, straddling Luke’s waist. He leaned down, pressing his lips against Luke’s, taking Luke by complete surprise. Luke’s eyes fluttered closed as the kiss deepened…a tongue, probing inside his mouth, pressure against his groin…

_No…no…no!_

Luke pushed Noah away. “No! Don’t!”

Noah gazed at him completely baffled. “What is it? Did I do something…?”

Luke wrapped his arms around his chest, immediately erecting a wall between them. “I just can’t…”

Realization quickly dawned on Noah’s face. “Luke, I’m sorry,” Noah said, tentatively touching Luke’s thigh. “I shouldn’t have pushed you…not so soon after…”

“Don’t say it,” Luke warned.

“Luke, we have to talk about it.”

He shut his eyes, digging in. “No. We. Don’t.”

“Yes, we do,” Noah insisted quietly. “You were almost raped.”

Luke’s eyes snapped open. How dare Noah say that word? He was so far off base! Nothing like that would have happened! It would have been impossible! “No, I wasn’t!” Luke lashed back. “That would have been impossible! Unlike you, I wouldn’t have been able to get hard for a woman!” he spat.

Noah sat back on his heels, stunned. Taking a deep breath, he calmly replied, “Being able to get hard doesn’t necessarily go with physical attraction…”

Vehemently Luke shook his head. “No…no…I wouldn’t have…I wouldn’t…”

“Luke,” Noah murmured, crawling up toward the headboard to sit beside him. “It wouldn’t have been in your control.”

He glanced away from Noah so that his boyfriend wouldn’t see the tears spilling from his eyes. Deep down he knew Noah was speaking the truth. His cock was responding to Zoe’s touch and it had absolutely nothing to do with attraction…it was a physical reaction. But admitting it aloud would be admitting that he was almost raped.

Noah placed his hand on Luke’s shoulder. “Please look at me,” he gently coaxed. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

 _Nothing to be ashamed of?_ Rage burned inside of him. Luke whipped his head around, gaping at Noah’s blurry face. “I was almost…” Luke’s voice caught. Dammit…the word still wouldn’t come out of his mouth. He took a deep breath and continued, “by a woman…a _woman_ , Noah. What kind of man does that happen to?”

“You were tied up…you couldn’t fight back,” Noah reminded him. He brushed his hand against Luke’s damp cheek. “Men do get raped by women. And just because it almost happened to you doesn’t make you any less of a man.”

“I don’t feel like a man,” Luke choked. “Ever since…god…I just feel so emasculated…”

Noah gathered Luke in his arms, which only made Luke cry harder. He placed kiss after kiss on the top of Luke’s head. “You are still the same man I feel in love with,” he reassured him. “Zoe didn’t take anything from you. Luke, you are a strong man. Please never forget it.”

“If…it…weren’t for you…she…she…would have…raped me,” Luke sobbed so hard that his body shook. There he said it. Rape. He would have been raped if Noah hadn’t saved him.

“But she didn’t,” Noah soothed, rubbing Luke’s back. “She didn’t. I would never let anyone hurt you.”

“But I didn’t stop Zac from shooting you,” he wept.

“That happened so fast there was no way you could have stopped him.”

Luke untangled himself from Noah’s embrace, wiping his eyes. “I’m so sorry that I keep pulling away from you,” he sniffed. “It’s nothing you’ve done. I just… I just feel so dirty, so unattractive. When you were on top of me…it just reminded me of Zoe and I freaked…”

Noah cupped Luke’s head in his hands. “Hey…it’s understandable how you’re feeling. You’ve been through hell.”

“So have you.”

Noah rested his forehead against Luke’s. “I’m not going anywhere. We can go back to taking things slow. You dictate the pace.”

“But I don’t want to go back to just holding hands!” Luke cried. “I don’t want that bitch to win! We’ve waited so long to finally be together. No one should be able to take that away from us!”

“We won’t let her win,” Noah said, gathering Luke in his arms. “We’re going to get through this.”

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. “Luke…are you alright?” his father’s voice filtered through the door.

Luke stiffened. “Shit,” he whispered. He’d been so upset he hadn’t even thought about trying to keep his voice down.

“Luke?” Holden pressed.

“Yeah?” Luke responded, trying to keep his voice calm.

“Can your mother and I come in?”

Luke knew that they weren’t going to take no for an answer. “Yeah…sure,” he said, scrambling off the bed so he could get the door unlocked. Behind him Noah was quickly putting on a t-shirt. Once he was more presentable he was right by Luke’s side.

“Oh, baby,” Lily said once she saw Luke. “I thought I heard you crying.”

“I’m okay,” he reassured his parents. “Noah and I were just talking about the kidnapping and it brought up some bad memories.”

“Anything you’d like to talk about?” Holden asked, eyeing both boys.

“No,” Luke quickly replied, taking Noah’s hand. “We’ve got it under control. Right, Noah?”

“Right.”

Lily touched Luke’s tear stained cheek. “Luke, you know that you are can talk to your father and me about anything,” she said.

“I know.”

“Same goes for you, Noah,” Holden added.

Noah nodded.

“Try to sleep in tomorrow,” Lily said. “You both need to get some rest. I’ll make a special breakfast or lunch… depending on when you wake up.”

“Sounds good,” Luke agreed, willing that his parents would leave. “We’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

His parents said goodnight and reluctantly left them alone. Luke was thankful that they hadn’t pressed the issue.

“That was embarrassing,” Luke said once the door was shut and locked again.

“There’s nothing embarrassing about having parents who love and care about you,” Noah replied, walking over to the bed and sitting down on it.

“I should have known that you’d take their side,” Luke sighed.

Noah stretched out on the mattress. “I’m not taking anyone’s side.”

“But…come on…there’s a ‘but’ in there,” Luke said, joining Noah in bed.

“I think you need to tell your parents what happened…what Zoe had planned for you.”

Panic seized his body. Tell his parents? Had Noah gone certifiably mad? He _could not_ tell his parents that he was almost raped. No way. Never. “No,” Luke firmly replied.

Noah sought out Luke’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. “Please…just hear me out.”  
“You can talk all you want, but I’m not going to change my mind.”

“That’s not hearing me out,” Noah reminded him. “Please…listen to what I have to say. It can’t hurt, right?”

“I suppose,” Luke sighed.

“I think that if you keep this secret from your parents you’re going to have a very difficult time putting it behind you,” Noah explained. “It’s eating you alive, Luke. Your parents aren’t going to think any less of you…just like I don’t.”

“They’ll start looking at me differently.”

Noah threaded his fingers through Luke’s hair, toying with the strands. “I don’t think they will. They’ll want to help you any way they can. And they’ll have a better understanding of what you went through.”

Luke’s resolve was cracking a bit. Not having to harbor such a huge secret was appealing. He remembered how hellish it was years ago when he hid the fact that he was gay from his parents. That secret had almost killed him. Would he be able to survive a second one?

“Your parents love you so much,” Noah said softly, still playing with Luke’s hair. “Nothing you tell them will change that fact.”

Luke squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m already gay. I really don’t want to add potential rape victim to the mix.”

“All they see you as is their son,” Noah assured him. “Just let them be your parents and take care of you.”

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t want them to find out from someone else.”

“Do you think the police know?” Luke asked, half-panicked. “I didn’t mention it in my statement. Did you?”

“No.”

“I don’t think Zoe will say anything,” Luke replied, not quite convinced. Zoe was such a wild card that anything was possible.

“Zoe isn’t the most stable person,” Noah reminded him. “I wouldn’t rule anything out.”

Sighing, Luke rested his head against Noah’s shoulder. “I don’t know what to do anymore…just like I don’t know who I am. I swear I’m such a mess…”

“Hey…hey…hey…don’t forget you’re still Luke Snyder. No one can take that away from you.”

“But I feel like it’s already been taken away, Noah....that I’ll never truly be me again.”

“By not telling your parents about Zoe, you continue to give her power,” Noah explained, gently caressing Luke’s back. “You need to take that power away from her. She didn’t win Luke. We did.”

“I’m just so scared,” Luke whispered.

“I’ll be right by your side,” Noah reassured him. “If you tell your parents, I’ll be there with you if you want.”

Luke was quiet for several minutes. Everything Noah had said was the truth. Zoe still seemed to have all of the power even when she was locked up in jail. It needed to end. “Okay,” he mumbled.

“Okay? So you’re going to tell them?”

Nodding, Luke pulled away from Noah. “Yeah...but I want you with me.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Okay…we’ll do it tomorrow.”

“You’re making the right decision,” Noah told him. “I know it wasn’t easy for you…”

“But it’s the correct one. You’re right, Noah. We’re not going to let that psycho slut win.”

Luke gave Noah a quick kiss on the lips and then slipped underneath the blankets. He reached over and turned off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness.

Noah quickly joined him. “Is it okay if I hold you tonight?”

“Yes, I’d like that very much,” Luke said, resting his head against Noah’s chest.

Silently, Luke vowed that he’d let Noah do much more soon.

****

********

Nightmares had woken Noah up a couple of times during the night. The first one was terrible. In it Noah was held hostage in the cold and the dark, but Luke never came for him. He had died all alone tied to that pole. But the second was much worse. Zoe had raped Luke while Luke cried for Noah to help him, but he couldn’t because his hands and feet were tied. All Noah could do was helplessly listen as Luke was violated.

Each time he was jerked awake with a horrific vision, he was able to comfort himself knowing that Luke was safe in his arms. He’d kissed the top of Luke’s head and held him tighter which had helped calm him. He prayed that Luke felt protected and wasn’t having any nightmares of his own.

Luke’s morning erection was pressed up against his hip when he awoke at daybreak. Oh god did it ever feel good. Noah wanted him so badly. Being so close to death made him want to celebrate life. Namely his love for Luke. He wanted to make love to him in the worst way.

So feeling Luke’s cock, hard against him felt incredible. It also made him horny, which was no surprise since he’s been unbelievably horny ever since their rescue. But he really needed to keep it in check, now more than ever. Luke wasn’t ready for sex yet and Noah wasn’t going to push him.

However, his cock had other ideas. Carefully, Noah slipped out of bed so as to not wake Luke. He padded into the bathroom so he could take a shower and beat off. It was better to take care of himself now so Luke wouldn’t feel guilty about not being ready for more.

Luke snorted, shifting slightly, but he didn’t wake up. Good. He needed his rest. Last night had been rough. Today most likely wasn’t going to be much easier, but telling Luke’s parents about the attempted rape was the right thing to do. Noah was going to be right there by Luke’s side when he did it, too.

Noah got a clean pair of boxer briefs out of his duffle bag before he padded inside the bathroom. Once he closed the door, Noah stripped out of his clothes, turned on the shower, and stepped under the spray. He’d just taken a bath last night, but he’d gotten a bit sweaty during the night… and he also had other things to take care of. Closing his eyes, Noah had no problem conjuring up the perfect vision to aid him in his self pleasure. The afternoon he first made love to Luke. Time number three, here in this very shower. Luke had been so eager, willing…telling him how it had been one of his fantasizes to be fucked by Noah in here. Noah got lost deeply inside Luke’s tight heat. Oh god…it had been so amazing…

“Fuck,” Noah groaned, coming quickly, streams of semen splashing against the dark gray subway tile.

For an instant he felt a bit guilty about getting off in Luke’s shower. But there was nothing wrong with what he had done. What would be wrong would be pushing Luke into something he wasn’t ready for. This was a better alternative for both of them.

Noah snatched the soap from the dish, lathering it up in his hands. The hot water did wonders to rejuvenate him, washing away another layer of pain. Each day he was removed from the Zac and Zoe situation was a vast improvement for his mental health. One day he prayed he wouldn’t give them a second thought.

But right now he still had his souvenir from Zac as well as two weeks of physical therapy starting the next day. It could have been so much worse. He’d have a scar from the gunshot wound. Part of him couldn’t help but wonder if his father wouldn’t have been a bit proud that his son was able to take a bullet. That was manly, wasn’t it?

Although the way he had cried and writhed in Luke’s arms wasn’t.

 _Why do I still give that man the time of day?_ Noah wondered. _He’s dead. Gone. I need to forget about him._

Noah quickly washed his hair with Luke’s expensive shampoo and then shut off the water. His bandage was soaked, but it needed to be changed anyway. He grabbed a towel, dried off, and pulled on the clean underwear.

“Noah! _Noah_?” Luke cried from the other room. “Noah, where are you? Noah!”

Noah dashed out of the bathroom to find Luke amidst the sheets and comforter, looking frantic and very confused. “I’m here, Luke,” he said quickly joining him on the mattress. “I’m right here.” He gathered Luke in his arms, squeezing him tightly. “I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I woke up and you weren’t here,” Luke sobbed. “I was so…so…scared that it was all a dream…that you had really left me…”

He kissed the top of Luke’s head. “I’m sorry. I just took a quick shower. I didn’t want to wake you. I’m not going to leave you.”

“I’m so pathetic…” Luke sniffed, clearly trying to rein in his emotions.

“Don’t…”

“I am,” he said, pulling away so that he was sitting upright. Luke wiped his eyes. “You can’t even take a shower without me falling apart!”

Noah took Luke’s hand. “Hey, we’ve both been having some pretty fucked up dreams. It’s understandable for you to think that you might have dreamt the whole kidnapping/rescue thing.”

“I just want to be normal again,” Luke sighed.

He reached out, brushing his fingers through Luke’s hair. “We’ll get there. It’s just going to take a little bit of time,” he explained. “I really think talking to your parents today will help.”

Luke shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know, Noah…”

Shit. He’d worried this might happen. “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” he reassured his boyfriend as he played with the back of Luke’s hair. “You’re going to be surrounded by people who love you.”

Luke nodded. “You’re right. I just…”

Noah gathered him in his arms again. “I know…I know…” he soothed. “Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll get dressed and make the bed.”

“I need to change your dressing first. And you need to be resting not…”

“Making the bed won’t be exerting myself.”

“Okay,” Luke sighed. “I’ll go get the supplies.” He stood up and wandered into the bathroom.

While Luke was gone, Noah peeled off the wet bandage and tossed it in the garbage can next to Luke’s desk. He decided to wait to get dressed until after Luke put the new dressing on his wound.

“Ready to play doctor?” Luke asked, coming back out of the bathroom. When Noah raised his eyebrows, he quickly amended. “Sorry…I should have used a better choice of words.”

“You’re allowed to joke around,” Noah reminded him.

“I know,” Luke sighed. “It’s just like all of the sudden I don’t know how to act.”

“Just be yourself. You’re still you and I’m still me. Nothing will _ever_ change that.”

“You’re right.” Luke gently cleaned the wound with a peroxide soaked cotton ball. “I need to stop being such a freak.”

“What you need to do, is stop being so hard on yourself. It’s like you keep punishing yourself.” Noah placed his hand on Luke’s thigh unsure of what kind of reaction he’d receive from Luke. He was pleased when Luke didn’t tense or pull away. He just continued to re-dress his injury. “Please stop beating yourself up.”

“I’ll try.”

“Do or do not…there is no try,” Noah said, doing a pretty bad Yoda imitation, but it got a little chuckle out of Luke which meant the world to him.

“You are such a geek.” He grinned slyly.

“You love me because I’m a geek.”

“Yes, I do,” Luke replied, taping the fresh gauze in place. He kissed the new dressing just as he had the night before. “Good as new, bubby. I’m going to take a shower. Please try not to overexert yourself.”

“I’m just going to make the bed,” Noah promised. “That’s all.”

Luke went over to his dresser and pulled out a clean pair of underwear. Then he rummaged through a couple of the other drawers, trying to decide what to wear. “Okay…after I’m done we’ll grab some breakfast and then I guess we’ll have the dreaded talk,” he said, once he had his clothes in hand.

Noah smiled wistfully after him as Luke disappeared into the bathroom. Luke was so strong…stronger than he sometimes gave himself credit for. He wished his boyfriend could get past the self loathing that Zoe’s actions had brought on. Hopefully Luke’s parents would also help him see that nothing had changed, that he was still the same incredible man.

A very desirable man…

“Stop it,” he muttered, straightening the sheets out. He smoothed them so they laid perfectly flat, stopping himself short of making perfect military corners.

The madness needed to stop…Luke didn’t expect perfection. Noah knew he was going to need to curb his compulsion for total neatness and order when they moved in together or else they’d end up at each other’s throats. They’d have to find a happy medium somehow.

It was just hard to let go. As crazy as it seemed, there was a part of Noah that still expected his father to show up and inspect his quarters. And if things weren’t ship shape…Noah shuddered remembering the beatings and screaming.

The Colonel was dead and he wasn’t coming back. Noah was an adult now, perfectly capable of living his life the way he felt he saw fit. He was really looking forward to finally having a place with Luke, setting their own routines, making memories. Luke had always said that Noah was his family, but it would truly feel real when they were living together… just the two of them with no rules except their own.

Noah draped the comforter over the mattress and then fluffed the pillows. Luke’s bed looked pretty damn good. He scanned the rest of the room, searching for other things he could quickly tidy up. On the floor near the bed was the brown leather book Luke had been writing in when Noah had finished his bath. Bending over, he picked up Luke’s journal along with the discarded pen. Noah quickly snapped it closed and put it in the drawer. Luke’s private thoughts were in that book. And most likely there were thoughts about him in there, too. The temptation to take a peek inside the journal was strong, but his need to honor Luke’s privacy was even stronger.

Getting dressed would be a good idea, Noah decided, since he was still only wearing his navy boxer briefs. He rummaged through his duffle bag, picking an old light blue t-shirt and jeans. They probably wouldn’t be going far today, which was perfectly fine with Noah.

Luke was probably going to be awhile so Noah needed to find something to pass the time. He wandered over to the desk and was very happy to discover the latest X-men comic book. “Oh how I love you, Luke,” Noah murmured, snatching it off the desk.

He stretched out on Luke’s bed, settling in to read the latest adventures of some of his favorite superheroes. The comic was so engrossing that he didn’t hear Luke emerge from of the bathroom.

“I see you found something to keep you entertained,” Luke teased.

Glancing up from the comic, Noah was positively flabbergasted. Luke looked SO. FUCKING. HOT. A plain, tight, black t-shirt and old faded jeans never looked so fucking amazing.

“Wow,” Noah muttered, setting the comic on his lap.

Luke folded his arms across his chest, shifting nervously as Noah continued to stare. “What?”

“You should wear black more often because you look so incredibly hot.”

Shaking his head, his boyfriend glanced away. “You’re just not used to seeing me all cleaned up on a daily basis.”

Noah swung his legs off the bed, planting them on the floor. “Well, you do clean up nicely, Snyder, but you’re also incredibly gorgeous.”

“Thank you,” Luke replied. “It’s nice to hear that…especially now.”

Noah stood up and sauntered over to him, wrapping his arms around Luke and inhaling. God, he smelled so good…soapy and spicy…his favorite Luke combination. “Mmmm…I love you.”

“I love you too.” Luke pulled away from Noah. “How about some breakfast? It is still breakfast time, isn’t it?”

Noah glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “It’s ten o’clock…breakfast it is.” He grabbed Luke’s hand, leading him out of the room and downstairs into the Snyders’ French country kitchen, which looked like something you’d see on HGTV…white cabinets, cream granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. Noah sat down on one of the bar stools at the island while Luke strolled toward the counter where the coffee pot was at. There didn’t seem to be anyone else around.

“Do you think we’re the only ones here?” Noah asked.

“Yup,” Luke replied, spotting a note on the counter in his mother’s handwriting. He picked it up and read it. “My mom took Ethan to preschool and then she was headed into work at the foundation. God, I bet that’s quite a mess since those assholes got the money.”

“You’ll get it back,” Noah reassured him. “They took it illegally.”

“I know. It’s just the principle of it,” Luke sighed. “Did you want coffee? I can make us a pot.”

“Sure.”

“What do you want for breakfast?” Luke asked as he put the coffee grounds into the coffee maker. “My mom’s note says she’ll make us lunch around noon, but if you’re really hungry now I could make you pancakes?”

“You don’t have to do anything that elaborate,” he replied. “If you have cereal that would be great.”

“Are you afraid I’ll poison you with my pancakes?” Luke countered. “I make them for my sibs all the time. I haven’t killed them yet.”

“I’m not afraid of your cooking,” Noah assured him. Actually, the thought of Luke cooking for him was sweet, but if Lily was going to be making them a big lunch in a couple of hours, he really didn’t need much for breakfast. “You can make me pancakes as soon as we move into our apartment. Let’s just keep it simple today.”

Luke set a gallon of milk on the counter. “Okay.” He disappeared into a walk in pantry. “What kind of cereal would you like? We have Cheerios, Cocoa Krispies, Raisin Brain, and Cap’n Crunch.”

Noah perked up. He never had cereal choices like that growing up. “Cocoa Krispies? Really?”

“Really,” Luke chuckled as he exited the pantry with two boxes of cereal in hand. “Is that what you’d like?”

“Yeah!”

“Let me guess…Cocoas Krispies were forbidden in the Mayer household,” Luke said as he poured Noah a bowl of cereal.

“Yup…I had to eat Wheaties…because it was a man’s cereal,” Noah replied bitterly.

Luke set the bowl and a cup of coffee in front of Noah. “How come I’m not surprised?” Shaking his head, he sauntered back over to the countered where he fixed himself a bowl of Cheerios.

“Let me guess…Cocoa Krispies make you gay?”

“I don’t think he thought I was gay when I was a kid,” Noah replied, digging into his breakfast. “I’m sure those suspicions didn’t arise until I was a teen.”

“It amazes me that you turned out so normal,” Luke said, sitting on the bar stool next to him.

Now Noah had to laugh out loud. “You have a one short memory, Snyder. I was a complete head case when I came to town. Look at how I denied wanting you…even after I kissed you. I was completely fucked up.”

“You were scared…and rightfully so,” Luke insisted. “You always had a good heart, Noah…even when you were deep in the closet hiding behind the winter coats.”

Noah peered into Luke’s bowl. “Hmmm…no Cocoa Krispies. Are you afraid they’ll make you gay?” he teased.

“Ha…ha…I’m already gay,” Luke replied in an adorably dorky voice.

“Really? I never would have guessed,” he snorted.

Luke rolled his eyes. “What did you want to do today?”

“After the talk with your parents?”

“Yes…after the talk,” he sighed.

"We could go hang out at the pond and just enjoy the fresh air,” he suggested. Noah would never take the being able to go outside for granted again.

Luke smiled. “That would be nice.”

Noah drank the last of the milk, which had turned chocolaty good, out of the bowl. The Colonel would have backhanded him for such a move. He hoped Dear Old Dad was rolling around in his grave right now. As he was about to stand up to put the bowl in the dishwasher, Luke put his hand on Noah’s arm, stopping him.

“Stay right there. I got it,” he said, snatching the bowl out of Noah’s grasp.

“You’re really taking this rest thing to the extreme,” Noah sighed.

“Relax, baby,” Luke said, taking both bowels to the sink. “It’s only for a couple of weeks.”

Once the dishes were put in the dishwasher, Luke turned to Noah. “I guess I should probably call my mom… get this over with.”

“Yeah.”

Luke took a deep breath and then pulled his cell phone out of his jeans, dialing his mother’s number. “Hey, Mom, are you busy?...There’s something I really need to talk to you about – Dad too…I’d really just rather talk about it when you and Dad get here…yeah, that would be great if you could call him…Noah and I are at the house…okay, see you soon…I love you too, Mom.”

“Is she worried?” Noah asked after Luke hung up his phone.

“A little.”

Noah stood up. “It’s going to be okay, Luke.”

He stuffed his phone back into the front pocket of his jeans. “I know. I just hate to worry them.”

Noah gathered Luke in his arms, hugging him tightly. “They’re parents…they’re always going to worry.”

****

********

“I don’t even know how to tell them,” Luke said, resting his head against Noah’s shoulder as they sat on the family room sofa, waiting for Lily and Holden to arrive.

Noah traced his fingers over the back of Luke’s hand. “Why don’t you start by explaining how Zoe threatened to withhold the meds until you agreed to do what she wanted?”

Luke squeezed his eyes shut. “God…it was such a nightmare, Noah. I was so afraid you were going to die…”

The door flew open which caused Luke to bolt upright. Holden and Lily rushed into the house in full-blown parental mode. “Luke, what’s wrong?” Lily asked, immediately sitting down on the other side of her son while Holden leaned against one of the arm chairs. “Did something happen? Did Margo call? Is there a problem with the case?”

“Lily, give him a chance to answer,” Holden interrupted her.

“I can’t help it,” she replied. “I’m worried.”

“I’m sorry to worry you, Mom,” Luke said, glancing at her. “I just…” He looked over helplessly at Noah.

Noah cleared his throat. “Something happened while Luke and I were being held by Zac and Zoe,” he explained, taking Luke’s hand to offer him some extra strength. “We thought it might be a good idea to talk about it with you guys.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Holden carefully asked, taking a seat.

Luke slowly nodded. “Yeah, Dad…this isn’t going to be easy, but Noah and I discussed it last night and decided it was for the best. Actually, I wasn’t too keen on the idea at first…”

Lily placed her hand on Luke’s thigh. “Baby, you can tell us anything.”

“I know. This is just hard…really hard,” Luke said, his voice overcome with emotion. He had to take a minute to compose himself. “Zoe…Gia…only agreed get Noah the medicine he needed if I promised to do _anything_ she wanted, so I said I would thinking she’d just want more money. I was prepared to part with any sum in order to save Noah. Anyway…once I agreed to _anything_ she wanted, she went to the hospital to steal the drugs…” his voice trailed off.

Noah gave Luke’s hand a squeeze. “Do you want me to…?”

“No…I can do this,” Luke insisted. He took a deep breath, glancing from Lily to Holden. “When Zoe got back with the meds she informed me that what she wanted was my…my…baby.”

Luke’s words seemed to just hang in the air for several moments before either Lily or Holden reacted.

“What?” Lily gasped.

Luke stared down at the hand Noah held. “She decided that if she had a child by me then her child would get a legitimate share of the Grimaldi fortune.”

“That’s insane!” Holden exclaimed.

“Well…she was pretty unbalanced,” Luke replied. “She was insistent that she get some legitimate tie to the family that couldn’t be denied. And she got it in her head that I was the ‘golden boy’ of the family so she wanted to use me to secure her way in.”

“Oh, Luke,” Lily said, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. “Did she…?”

Luke chewed his lip. “She tried…I mean…Noah and I were both tied up back to back to this pole…I couldn’t move…” Tears were spilling down his cheeks as he spoke. “I kept telling her no…but she kept kissing me and touching me telling me that I would like it…I couldn’t stop her…” His voice wavered.

Noah hated hearing Luke relive that awful experience so he spoke up. “What neither Zoe nor Luke realized was that I had regained consciousness and heard what was going on. There was no way in hell I was going to just sit there and do nothing. So when she moved close enough, I managed to get her into a headlock with my legs. She yelled for help and then Zac and Damian busted in. Damian managed to overpower Zac and get his gun away from him. He saved us.”

“Oh, baby,” Lily sniffed, pulling Luke into a hug. “I had no idea. We’re going to make her pay for what she did you and Noah.”

“Thank you, Noah,” Holden said quietly.

Noah nodded as Luke untangled himself from his mother’s embrace, glancing at his father. “I didn’t want to tell you guys because I’m just so embarrassed and ashamed…”

Holden stood up. “Son, there’s absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.”

Luke wrapped his arms around himself. “I was almost raped by a woman,” he murmured.

“That doesn’t make you any less of a man,” Holden reassured him.

“That’s what I told him,” Noah added.

“You don’t think that, do you, Luke?” Lily asked.

He stood up, stepping away from everyone. “I did…Noah’s trying to help me see that I shouldn’t think that way,” Luke explained. He kept his back to everyone. “It’s hard though…not feeling…emasculated… worrying what you and Dad would think of me if she had succeeded…”

Holden stood and placed his hands on Luke’s shoulders. “Your mother and I love you no matter what. You’re still a man. And we’re still very proud of you.” Luke turned around to face his father. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Luke. Please don’t punish yourself. You and Noah are safe now.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Luke said, throwing his arms around his father and hugging him tightly.

Lily got up and joined their hug. “Your father is right, Luke. You boys should try getting out of the house today. Some fresh air might do you some good.”

“We were thinking of spending the afternoon at the pond,” Noah said from his spot on the sofa.

“Sounds like a great idea,” Holden said, stepping away from Luke and Lily. “Are you going to be okay, Luke?”

Luke nodded. “Yeah.”

“Did you want me to see if Dr. Bob could recommend a therapist?” Lily asked.

“No, I think I can get past this,” Luke replied, sitting down next to his boyfriend. “Noah and I can work through this together, but if it gets to be too much for us then I’ll get help.”

Lily regarded him for a moment. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Okay. Well, I’m going to go get lunch started. Holden, would you mind giving me a hand?” she asked as she headed toward the door that led into the kitchen.

“I’d love to.”

“Can I help?” Luke asked, looking after them.

“No, you boys stay here and relax. Your father and I will take care of everything.”

“We’ll call you when it’s ready,” Holden said, before following through the door.

Once they were alone, Luke allowed his head to fall against Noah’s shoulder. “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be,” he sighed.

“How are you feeling?” Noah asked, playing with Luke’s hair.

“Better actually,” he admitted. “It’s almost as if this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. You were right, Noah; telling my parents was a very good idea.”

“I’m happy to hear that it’s helping you,” he replied. “I hate to even risk putting a damper on your progress but…”

“Am I going to tell Damian?” Luke interrupted him.

“Yeah.” Noah felt a bit guilty for bringing it up, especially since they’d made so much headway this morning. But he also wanted Luke to continue to improve.

“I will…I just need a little more time before I go there, okay?” Luke glanced up at him, seeking his approval.

“Yeah…I understand.” It was definitely logical that Luke wanted to have a more solid relationship with his bio dad before talking about Zoe’s plan. Luke was still a bit insecure about Damian’s intentions toward him and didn’t want to throw this revelation into the mix until he was ready. Noah was certain that Damian would be just as supportive as Lily and Holden had been but until Luke was ready, they’d wait. “We’ll just keep doing this at your pace.”

“Thank you, baby. You always know how to take care of me,” Luke said, placing a kiss on Noah’s cheek.

****

********

Lily cleared the dishes from the table. “I hate to eat and run, but I really need to head back to the foundation.”

“Mom, are you sure there isn’t anything I can do to help you out there?” Luke asked.

“No, leave the foundation work to me for a few more days,” she replied as the put the plates into the dishwasher. “You and Noah just take advantage of the sunshine at the pond.”

“Thank you for lunch, Lily,” Noah said, trying very hard not to feel guilty for being constantly being waited on hand and foot. “It was delicious.

“You’re welcome.” She smiled. “Holden and I are so grateful to you for saving Luke from that awful girl.”

Noah wondered if the Snyders would ever really, truly know just how grateful he was that they’d made him one of their family. “I’d do anything for Luke or anyone else in this family,” he declared.

“I better get back over to the farm,” Holden said as he put away the last of the condiments from their meal. “You two will be home for dinner, right?”

“Yes, we’ll be home for dinner. I’ll make sure that Noah doesn’t overdo it today,” Luke assured him.

After Luke’s parents set off their separate ways, Luke and Noah ventured toward their destination. Hand in hand they wandered down to the pond. Next to him, Luke seemed much more relaxed than he’d been since their release. Noah prayed it would last. They’d just have to take it one step at a time. Baby steps if they needed to.

“Swing?” Noah suggested.

“Sure.”

He tugged Luke over to the wooden swing so they could just sit and hang out one last day before he started physical therapy. Noah was actually looking forward to the physical therapy because it would make him feel like he was on the road to recovery.

When they sat down, Luke made sure that he was on Noah’s good side. Noah leaned against him, wanting to feel Luke’s arm around him, which it immediately was. “Mmmm…this is nice.”

“Yeah…it is,” Luke agreed, caressing Noah’s arm. “How are _you_ doing, baby? We’ve been so focused on me lately. I just want you to know that doesn’t mean I’m not worried about you, because I am. You were shot.”

“My arm is going to be good as new. I’m not worried.”

“There’s more to it than your gunshot wound. You almost died.”

“I know. Sometimes it seems so surreal.”

“Are you still having nightmares?” Luke gently pressed.

“Yeah,” Noah admitted.

“About the kidnapping?”

Noah closed his eyes. Last night he’d been the one trying to get Luke to open up and now the shoe was on the other foot. Luke knew that he tended to internalize things so he wasn’t surprised that he was trying to get him to talk about his feelings now. “Yes,” he admitted.

“What…what…happens in the nightmares?”

Noah cringed. _Oh, god Luke, don’t make me go there…please…_ “You don’t want to know,” he quietly admitted.

Luke kissed the top of his head. “I do…you know you can tell me anything, baby.”

He did know this. And just last night hadn’t Luke broken down in his arms? Noah certainly didn’t think any less of Luke because of it. He had encouraged him to lean on him and now Luke was doing the same. In the past he would have refused to talk, insisting that everything was okay, even lying that he didn’t remember the ghastly details of each nightmare. But not anymore. He loved and trusted Luke so much.

Noah blew out a long breath. “They’re horrific, Luke. Some of my worst nightmares ever. In one I was blowing Zac… only I didn’t know it was him until you came in and… shot me. And in another where you were…uh…” his voice trailed off.

“Please.”

Noah squeezed his eyes shut. “You were fucking Zoe and enjoying it…taunting me…”

“Oh, baby…”

“I know that would never be the case,” Noah insisted.

“I know…any others?”

“Yeah…last night…there were a couple more,” he admitted. “I just hate telling you the nightmares because you’re in them and…”

“It’s okay…just tell me.”

“Zoe was raping you and there was nothing I could do to stop it,” Noah said. As he spoke he could feel the tears stinging in his eyes threatening to fall, because this was his worst nightmare…not being able to save Luke. “You kept calling out to me…begging me…and…I….”

“Noah…” Luke began.

“I’m sorry,” Noah sniffed. He hadn’t wanted to break down on Luke, who was still dealing with his own shit.

“Don’t be…please…don’t be,” Luke said, giving him a squeeze, careful not to disturb his wounded arm. “Don’t keep it all inside. Let it out if you need to. I’m here for you. I can be strong for the both of us right now.”

“I was helpless and I couldn’t save you,” Noah quietly admitted. “I don’t know what I would have done if I weren’t able to save you.”

“But you did,” Luke gently reminded him. “You’re my hero, Noah Mayer.”

“I don’t feel like a hero right now,” Noah sighed.

“Even heroes are allowed to ask for help when they need it.” Luke placed a kiss on the top of his head.

Noah glanced up at his boyfriend, who was slowly stroking his hair. “I think I might have to take you up on that offer, Snyder.”

“Were there any more nightmares?”

“Just one. It was also from last night,” Noah explained. “I was alone in the storage unit…it was so dark and cold. And you never came for me. Zac and Zoe just left me there to die alone.” Before Luke could comment on it, Noah pressed on. “You know…that might not sound that bad but it was particularly terrifying for me because I hate the cold…especially dark, cold places. The first night I was conscious when I was all alone in there was hell.”

“Why is that?”

Noah was quiet. Telling Luke would mean sharing an appalling part of his childhood. And he really hated sharing horror stories from his past. Luke knew some things…the beatings with the belt, the chicken pox punishment, the ban on comic books.

Could he really share another?

Carefully, Noah sat up and then stood, striding slowly toward the pond. Every time he spoke of his childhood he felt like he picked off an old scab, exposing a nasty old, infected wound. It was easier just trying to forget his life with his father than trying to make any sense of what had happened. He really didn’t want to put Luke through the horrors of Winston Mayer.

“Baby?” Luke had come up behind him, wrapping his arms around Noah’s waist and resting his chin on Noah’s good shoulder.

Noah just melted. Luke had him…he was safe. He could talk. So he did.

“It was Christmas Eve. We were stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas. I was seven,” Noah quietly explained as he gazed at the serene pond. “We’d been at a party at one of my father’s superior officer’s houses…Major Ken Redmond, who had insisted that I call him Uncle Ken. I had tried to keep just calling him ‘sir’ because I knew what my dad expected of me, but he wouldn’t hear it…so ‘Uncle Ken’ it was. He’d given me a _The Wizard of Oz_ VHS tape as a gift…”

“You must have been thrilled,” Luke’s voice sweetly interrupted.

“It was the very first movie I had ever owned,” Noah wistfully replied, but his brief happy memory was quickly replaced by a much darker one. “When my father heard me address Major Redmond as Uncle Ken I knew I was probably going to get it trouble. And I was right.”

“But the Major told you to call him that,” Luke interjected.

“It didn’t matter,” Noah said, a chill creeping through his body as he remember that night as if it were yesterday. “He didn’t say anything until we were walking home. But when we got there, he took my movie and then he locked me in the garage for the night, turning off all of the lights…” His voice cracked. “I didn’t have a coat and it was really cold. And I knew better than to turn on the lights because if he found me..." Noah shuddered. "I never got any presents that year…”

Luke was now in front of him, hugging him tightly. “How could he do that to you?” he demanded. “You were just a kid! What was wrong with him?”

“I always wondered what was wrong with me,” Noah whispered as tears trickled down his cheeks.

Luke cupped his face in his hands. “No…baby…no. You were just a little boy. You did nothing wrong. I _know_ that you were a sweet little boy. You had to be. He was a bitter…evil…”

“He was still my father, Luke. He gave me shelter, food, took me camping, fishing.”

“But he didn’t give you love. You deserve to be loved,” Luke reminded him. “A seven year old boy does not deserve to be locked out in a cold garage on Christmas no matter what he did. You had to have been terrified.”

“Yeah…I guess. But I got through it.”

“Not without some scars,” Luke murmured. Noah glanced away, suddenly feeling very vulnerable under Luke’s intense gaze. “God…I wish I could have gotten to you sooner. I hate the thought of you being tied up all alone in that storage unit…”

Noah’s eyes met his. “Luke, you didn’t know.”

“Lisbon? I never in a million years should have believed that you’d just take off to Lisbon on a moment’s notice without telling me…especially on your Java salary…no offense.”

“None taken,” he replied. “I was hoping you’d see it that way…that it would have been impossible for me to go on that trip.”

“Unfortunately, I was too busy being freaked out that you’d left me. Uhhh…I’m such an idiot!” Luke groaned in frustration.

“We’ve already been over this. Please don’t blame yourself.”

“I swear…I will never doubt you again.”

Noah caressed his cheek. “I know you won’t.”

“You’ve suffered _way_ too much in your life and now you were shot because of me…” Luke threw his arms around him again, pulling him into a snug embrace. “No one will ever hurt you again. I will be right there through your physical therapy just like you were for mine.”

“Somehow I think your therapy was a little more intense than mine will be,” Noah chuckled.

“Just a smidge, but I’ll be there all the same. I know there are probably a lot more dark stories like the one you told me today.”

So many. But Noah remained silent.

Luke lovingly brushed his fingers through Noah’s hair. “You don’t have to tell me them now, tomorrow, or even next week. We have the rest of our lives together, Noah. But please remember nothing you tell me will _ever_ make me think _any_ less of you.”

“I know,” Noah murmured.

Like Luke, he just need some time.

****

********

Finally, they were alone in Luke’s room. Luke and Noah hadn’t had a moment’s peace since returning from the pond. The kids were home from school by the time they had gotten back to the house so there were games to be played and endless questions to be pestered with until dinnertime. Afterward, Natalie had talked them into another movie night. This time they watched the original _The Parent Trap_ with Haley Mills. The girls had been shocked to learn that the Lindsey Lohan film had been a remake which had almost thrown Noah over the edge, but Luke had managed to talk him down with the help of some stove top buttered popcorn.

But now it was just him and Luke sitting on his bed, both dressed for bed in sweats and t-shirts. His wound was freshly cleaned and bandaged. However, the sexual tension in the air was palpable. Luke’s gray t-shirt clung to his muscular chest. And his lips…god…Luke’s lips…looked so soft and pink…perfect…

Noah swallowed hard. _Shit._ He wanted Luke so badly, but he’d promised that he’d allow Luke to dictate the pace and dammit, that was what he was going to do.

“Are you okay, Noah?” Luke breathed, slowly closing the space between them.

“Yeah…I’m fine,” he replied, trying desperately to keep all of the desire out of his voice.

“Are you sure?” His face was just inches from his.

“Yes.”

“Can I kiss you, baby?” Luke asked, touching Noah’s hair.

“Please,” Noah whispered.

At first Luke’s lips were hesitant against his…just brushing against them, carefully testing the waters. Oh it felt good… _really_ good. _Please let Luke think so too._

And then, as though to silently answer Noah’s prayer, Luke’s tongue slipped inside, caressing Noah’s tongue. A small moan escaped from Luke’s lips as he clung to Noah. Carefully, Noah deepened the kiss but still tried to keep the hunger out of it. The kiss reminded him of their first which started out innocent but quickly left him so hot and breathless.

But unlike the first time, it was Luke who broke free now. “Wow,” he breathed, glancing up at Noah through his long lashes.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve missed kissing you… _like that_ ,” he confessed.

“Me too.”

“Keep kissing me, Noah,” Luke said, pulling Noah’s head toward him. “Make her go away. I never want to remember her kissing me again.”

Luke’s lips were on his again, this time kissing him more urgently. Passion was quickly giving way to something a bit darker. Noah didn’t like where this was going. Now it was his turn to put on the brakes.

“What is it?” Luke asked. “Don’t you want me anymore?”

“Yes,” Noah gasped. “Very much so.” He had an idea...something that might work for both of them. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes, of course.”

Noah tugged his t-shirt over his head. “Is this okay?” he asked. Luke nodded, his eyes roaming over Noah’s bare torso. Noah reached for the hem of Luke’s t-shirt. “May I?”

“Yeah.”

Carefully, Noah lifted the shirt over Luke’s head. “That’s better. Don’t you think?” Noah whispered.

Luke lay back on the mattress. “I think it would be even better if you kissed me some more,” he calmly declared.

“I can definitely help you out with that.” He stretched out, half lying on top of Luke. But instead of kissing Luke on the mouth, he decided to focus on Luke’s chest…kissing and licking, but he was very careful not to pause in any one place long enough to leave a mark. The last thing he wanted was to remind Luke of Zoe and what she wanted to do to him.

But when he reached Luke’s nipples he made an exception. Over and over, he lapped the hard bud with his tongue until he elicited the most beautiful sigh from his boyfriend.

“Oh, baby,” Luke purred.

“I love you,” Noah murmured, kissing his shoulder. He was happy to see that the hickey from Zoe was gone. “So much.” He licked a long, wet strip along Luke’s neck, making his boyfriend shudder. Then his lips met Luke’s for a deep, hungry kiss that he could feel all the way to his cock which was beginning to get hard. Noah had shifted so it wasn’t poking Luke because he didn’t want to put any pressure on him to take things further. Noah was perfectly content spending the night kissing if that was all Luke was ready for at this point.

Noah came up for breath but only briefly, then he returned to kissing Luke’s chest, his tongue weaving its way through the strands of hair that he loved so much. Slowly, he made his way down Luke’s chest to his abs, licking and playfully nipping, whispering how much he loved Luke. He paused long enough to notice that Luke was also hard.

Oh damn. The sight made his mouth water.

_I can’t push him. Luke will tell me if he wants more…_

“You are amazing,” Noah whispered, his face hovering above Luke’s.

Luke’s eyes were dark…almost black. “I want you.”

“I’m already yours.”

“I want to fuck you, baby,” he breathed.

Noah’s first instinct was to jump up and dance around the room, but he remained calm. He needed to be sure about this. Sure that Luke wasn’t doing this because it’s what he thought Noah wanted. “Are you sure? Because we don’t have to if you’re not...”

Luke pulled Noah’s head to his so that their foreheads were touching. “I am…I just want to top.”

“Whatever you want, Luke. I’m yours.”

Luke gave him a quick kiss and then slid out from underneath him. “I love you,” he said as he reached in the drawer to get the lube.

Noah flopped back on the mattress, wiggling out of his sweats and boxers. They were going to make love. He hadn’t expected it to happen tonight. There was still a part of him that was worried that maybe…just maybe…Luke was rushing too soon and he was going realize this. If that happened Noah would still be there for him. Luke was in total control.

Grinning, Luke flipped open the cap of the lube. “It’s been wayyy too long since we’ve done this.”

“Agreed,” Noah said, spreading his legs.

Luke crawled so that he was kneeling between them. “You are so beautiful, Noah Mayer.”

Now that comment took him aback. Luke had never called him beautiful before…that was how Noah referred to Luke. He propped himself up on his elbows. “No…I’m…”

“ _Noah_ , trust me you are,” he said, rubbing Noah’s shins. “Your body is perfect…your face is gorgeous…your eyes are amazing…you’re smart, talented, sweet, and loving. I’d call that beautiful.”

“It’s hard to think of myself as all of those things,” Noah shyly admitted.

“I know and that’s going to change,” Luke said, squirting some lube onto his fingers and then rubbing them together to warm the gel. “So I plan on making you feel that way.”

“Okay,” Noah murmured, his eyes fixated on Luke’s fingers which were soon going to be inside his ass.

Luke teased the outside of Noah’s hole, smearing the lube over it before sinking a single finger inside. Slowly stroking him, seeking out his prostate.

_Oh yes…yes…yes…yes…so good…._

Then Luke added another.

“Yes,” Noah hissed, arching his hips off the mattress. He wanted more though. Something bigger, something thicker. He needed Luke’s cock. “Give it to me.”

“Are you ready for me?” Luke asked, still slowly fucking Noah with his fingers.

“Yes.”

Luke withdrew his fingers and took Noah’s dick in his hand, sending waves of pleasure coursing through Noah’s body. “God, Luke,” he gasped.

“Feels good, doesn’t it? I love playing with your cock, but I love fucking you more.”

“I like that too.” Noah smiled.

Luke slowly guided his cock to Noah’s opening, looking as if he’d just hit the lotto…so happy, so proud. Noah loved seeing him so satisfied. “Okay…I’m going to try really hard to control myself,” Luke said as he carefully pushed inside, breaching the tight ring of muscle.

Noah sucked in his breath but quickly blew it out. This was a good hurt. He wanted this discomfort because soon it would fade and Luke was going to make him feel so amazing. “Oh, Luke,” he groaned.

Luke hesitated. “Did you want me to stop?”

“Keep going unless you need to stop.”

“I’m good as gold, baby,” he breathed, pushing the rest of his length inside. Then Luke gave him a minute, resting his forehead against his. “So. Damn. Good.”

“Make love to me, Luke,” Noah gasped.

And Luke did just that, starting with slow thrusts which Noah eagerly matched. Even though it had been a few weeks they were still in perfect sync. God how they needed this…on so many levels, not just for the physical release but also for the intimacy. Being this connected to Luke again was incredible…so intense, especially when they did it in this position because Luke held his gaze. All of the pain from the past week was vanishing. As they made love, Noah could feel part of Luke’s soul being reclaimed.

“You’re the only person I’m ever going to fuck…just you…you’re all I want,” Luke panted.

“I’m yours…I’m yours…”

“Only you, Noah, only you…”

Noah wanted the deep pressure of Luke pressing inside of him to go on all night long. But he was getting close and he could sense that Luke was as well. It was okay though. They would have many more nights together. Right now he was just so happy that Luke was able to make love to him again.

Luke grasped his cock. “I’m getting close…I want you to come first…”

“Almost there…”

After a few strokes he was…ropes of come splashing against his chest… _oh yeah…_

“Oh…god, Noah…you…are so…fucking…good…” Luke cried out and then collapsed on top of him, utterly spent.

“Damn, Luke,” Noah quietly chuckled. “That was pretty loud…between you and your extra squeaky springs tonight.”

Luke carefully pulled out, flopping next to Noah with an exaggerated sigh, “You weren’t exactly quiet, Mayer. Either way, we may have some explaining to do in the morning.”

“Pillow fight?”

“It’s worth a shot.”

“I just hope your parents don’t throw me out,” Noah replied. As much as he respected the Snyders, he also loved Luke and they had really needed this tonight so he was willing to face whatever consequences came his way.

Luke propped himself up on his elbow. “I think on some level they’ll be happy that we can make love despite all of the shit we’ve been through…even if they’d rather not picture the mechanics of it.”

“Well…would you want to picture the mechanics of your parents making love?” Noah countered.

“Ewww…no,” Luke grimaced.

“Who knows? Maybe no one heard us.”

“We can only hope and pray,” Luke sighed.

“I’d like to think we’re due for some good luck soon,” Noah said, resting his head against Luke’s chest.

“Thanks for letting me top,” Luke said, snaking his fingers through Noah’s hair.

“It’s definitely not a hardship bottoming for you.” Noah loved making love to Luke both ways, each had its benefits as far as he was concerned. “I will bottom for you as long as you want.”

Luke kissed the top of Noah’s head. “I love you so much, Noah.”

“I love you, too.”

“We’re going to get through this, aren’t we?”

“We certainly are,” Noah assured him. He didn’t doubt it for one second.


End file.
